Part II — Six Ways to Make People Like You
Principle 1 — Show Genuine Interest in Other People
Carnegie begins with a simple but striking observation:
A dog is the only animal that doesn’t have to work for affection.
It’s genuinely happy to see you — every single time.
And that, according to Carnegie, is precisely why people love dogs: they offer something humans rarely give each other — pure, unconditional joy in someone’s presence.
He adds that if you spend four months showing genuine interest in other people, you’ll achieve more than in four years trying to make others interested in you.
That one hit home — I’ve seen it too many times.
People can talk endlessly about themselves, but when the spotlight shifts, they stop listening. It’s not malice — it’s just self-absorption.
Carnegie quotes the Viennese psychologist Alfred Adler, who once said:
“A person who is not interested in others has the greatest difficulties in life and causes the greatest damage to others.”
That feels brutally true.
We’ve all met people like that — emotionally distant, detached from the world — and somehow surprised when loneliness follows them.
Carnegie’s advice is simple but demanding:
If you want to make friends, start doing things for other people.
It’s not about blind altruism — it’s about awareness.
Connection begins in small, thoughtful acts — remembering a friend’s birthday, checking in when someone seems quiet, caring enough to notice.
Those gestures compound over time.
Because in reality:
We only care about others when we feel they care about us.
Principle 2 — Smile
Carnegie then moves to something that at first felt a little artificial —
the idea that a simple smile could make a real difference.
But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense.
It’s not about pretending; it’s about conditioning emotion through action.
Carnegie writes that action and feeling go together — act cheerful and the feeling will follow.
That’s close to what Tony Robbins later framed as change your physiology and your psychology follows.
Smiling isn’t faking it; it’s programming your emotional state.
He also reminds us that emotions can — and should — be managed.
Not through forced optimism, but through awareness.
Choosing how to feel before the world decides for you is a subtle form of strength.
Principle 3 — Remember Names
One of Carnegie’s most famous insights is about remembering names.
He tells a story about Andrew Carnegie (no relation), who, as a child, noticed how thrilled other kids were when he named his rabbits after them.
He realized that nothing sounds sweeter to a person than their own name.
Later, in business and leadership, he used that simple insight to connect with people — by calling them by name and making them feel seen.
There’s depth in that simplicity.
Names trigger identity and recognition — instant human warmth.
It still works today: someone writes, “Thanks, Olimp — appreciate your help,”
and the tone of the whole message changes.
What at first sounds trivial — smiling, saying a name — is actually emotional precision.
You’re not manipulating people; you’re choosing to be intentional about energy.
You smile not because life is perfect, but because you refuse to spread entropy.
Principle 4 — Be a Good Listener. Encourage Others to Talk About Themselves.
Carnegie often quoted the poet T. S. Eliot, who said that true attention means giving exclusive focus to the person you’re with.
Even the most difficult people can calm down when they simply feel heard.
He tells a story of a man who listened patiently to a customer’s long complaints and, instead of arguing, thanked him:
“I appreciate you sharing this — if our service upset you, it could upset other clients too. You’ve helped me see that.”
The tension vanished instantly. Listening disarms.
Carnegie calls it a golden paradox:
People repel others by being so obsessed with what they want to say that they forget to keep their ears open.
It’s true — when you genuinely show interest in others, you suddenly appear more interesting yourself.
Listening is not passive; it’s magnetic. It makes people feel safe enough to open up, and that’s where connection begins.
Principle 5 — Talk in Terms of the Other Person’s Interests.
President Theodore Roosevelt was legendary for this.
Before meeting anyone — a farmer, a scientist, a general — he would spend the night reading about their field of interest.
He believed that “the road to a person’s heart runs through the things they care about.”
That’s powerful and practical advice: if you want to connect deeply, prepare.
It takes effort to speak someone’s language — but the return is trust.
Principle 6 — Make the Other Person Feel Important, and Do It Sincerely.
Carnegie ends this section with simple but timeless wisdom:
Everyone wants to feel important.
And you don’t need grand gestures — a few words of kindness are enough.
He tells a story where someone complimented a man’s hair.
The man replied bitterly that it used to be nice.
Carnegie smiled and said:
“Even if it lost its shine, it’s still beautiful.”
That’s the tone — gentle, sincere, disarming.
He reminds us of Jesus’ words:
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
You don’t have to wait for a special moment to appreciate others — small gestures matter.
Even something as ordinary as saying to a waiter, “I’d prefer potatoes, please,” instead of complaining about fries, can change the energy of an interaction.
As the British statesman Benjamin Disraeli once said:
“Talk to people about themselves, and they will listen to you for hours.”
Carnegie’s summary is simple yet demanding:
Principle 6: Make the other person feel important — and do it sincerely.